Meeting Your Taiwanese Partner's Parents: What to Say
Meeting your partner's parents in Chinese: what to call them, a short script for the first greeting and meal, gift phrases, and replies to 吃飽了嗎.
Keep the first meeting short and warm. Greet the parents as 叔叔 (shúshu) and 阿姨 (āyí), say you are glad to meet them, hand over a small gift with both hands, thank them for the meal, and answer questions simply. You do not need long sentences. A few correct, friendly phrases and an obvious effort will do more than a nervous attempt at fluency.
This guide gives you a script you can adapt, the phrases for the gift and the table, and a short list of things to avoid. Every family is different, so ask your partner two things first: how formal the parents are, and which language they will use.
What to Call Them
Before marriage, most people address their partner’s parents with the terms they would use for a friend’s parents. The two common choices are:
| Term | Pinyin | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| 叔叔 / 阿姨 | shúshu / āyí | Friendly and widely used. A good default |
| 伯父 / 伯母 | bófù / bómǔ | More formal, often used with respect for an older couple |
Your partner can tell you which suits the family. If the parents invite you to use something warmer, follow their lead. The switch to 爸 and 媽 usually comes around the engagement or wedding, and the family will normally make it clear. The kinship terms guide explains what spouses call their in-laws face to face and about them.
For “you”, 您 (nín) is the respectful form for elders, and 你 is also common in families that speak warmly and casually. At a first meeting 您 is the safer choice. See 你 vs 您 for when each fits.
A Script for the First Ten Minutes
In this script the partner’s name is a placeholder, 小美 (Xiǎoměi). Replace it with your partner’s name.
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At the door
- 叔叔好，阿姨好。 Shúshu hǎo, āyí hǎo. (Hello, uncle; hello, aunt.)
- 我是 Sam，是小美的男朋友。 Wǒ shì Sam, shì Xiǎoměi de nánpéngyǒu. (I am Sam, Xiǎoměi’s boyfriend.) Say 女朋友 (nǚpéngyǒu) if you are a girlfriend. If you are already engaged or married, your partner can suggest wording.
- 很高興認識你們。 Hěn gāoxìng rènshi nǐmen. (I am glad to meet you.)
- 打擾了。 Dǎrǎo le. (Sorry to disturb you, a polite phrase on entering someone’s home.)
Giving the gift
- 這是一點小心意，請收下。 Zhè shì yìdiǎn xiǎo xīnyì, qǐng shōu xià. (This is a small token, please accept it.)
Offer it with both hands. The parents may say you should not have, and may put it aside without opening it. That is ordinary courtesy and says nothing about the gift.
At the table
- 謝謝招待。 Xièxie zhāodài. (Thank you for having me.)
- 很好吃。 Hěn hǎochī. (It’s delicious.)
- 這個是什麼？ Zhège shì shénme? (What is this?) Asking about a dish is a good way to start a conversation.
- 謝謝，夠了。 Xièxie, gòu le. (Thank you, that’s enough.) Use it when someone keeps putting food on your plate.
- 我不吃辣。 Wǒ bù chī là. (I don’t eat spicy food.) Or 我吃素 (wǒ chī sù, I am vegetarian), or 我對…過敏 (wǒ duì … guòmǐn, I am allergic to …). Tell your partner in advance, so the parents can plan.
Leaving
- 我吃飽了，你們慢用。 Wǒ chī bǎo le, nǐmen màn yòng. (I’m full, please carry on eating. Said when you finish before others.)
- 今天很開心，謝謝你們。 Jīntiān hěn kāixīn, xièxie nǐmen. (I had a lovely time today, thank you.)
- 下次再來拜訪。 Xià cì zài lái bàifǎng. (I’ll visit again next time.)
Replying to 吃飽了嗎
吃飽了嗎？ (Chī bǎo le ma?, “Have you eaten?”; in Taiwan often 吃飽了沒？ or 吃飽沒？) can be a literal offer of food and can also be a friendly greeting. Either way a short answer is right.
| If you have eaten | If you have not |
|---|---|
| 吃了，謝謝。 Chī le, xièxie. | 還沒，謝謝。 Hái méi, xièxie. |
| 吃飽了，謝謝您。 Chī bǎo le, xièxie nín. | 還沒，我很想嘗嘗。 Hái méi, wǒ hěn xiǎng chángchang. |
If food is offered and you are hungry, accepting is polite. Hosts often enjoy feeding a guest, and refusing everything can come across as distance.
Gifts and Small Taboos
A box of fruit, tea or a specialty from your home country is a common choice, and the Chinese term for a gift you bring when visiting is 伴手禮 (bànshǒulǐ). Some gifts carry unlucky sound-alikes. Avoid a clock, pears, an umbrella and a handkerchief, and avoid sets of four. The reasons, with better alternatives, are in the homophones and lucky numbers guide. Most families will forgive a mistake, and your partner can help you choose.
A Few Things to Avoid
These are common courtesies rather than strict rules, and families vary.
- Do not start eating before the elders. Wait for the parents to begin or to invite you.
- Do not stand chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice. The image resembles incense offerings at a funeral.
- Leave money, salary and marriage plans alone at a first meeting. Let the parents lead on personal topics.
If You Cannot Follow What They Say
Say so briefly: 不好意思，可以再說一次嗎？ (bù hǎoyìsi, kěyǐ zài shuō yí cì ma?). If the conversation moves into 台語, your partner can help, and this article on following in-laws at dinner has more strategies. A short self-introduction you rehearse beforehand is covered in how to introduce yourself in Chinese.
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