Sorry and Please in Chinese: 不好意思, 對不起, 請

There are three common ways to say sorry in Chinese, and the choice depends on how heavy the mistake is:

• 不好意思 (bù hǎo yìsi): excuse me, sorry, “I feel a bit awkward”. The everyday word in Taiwan, for small slips and for starting a request.
• 對不起 (duìbuqǐ): “I’m sorry”, for something that actually hurt or inconvenienced someone.
• 抱歉 (bàoqiàn): a slightly more serious “sorry”, standard in service and writing, and common casually too (抱歉抱歉).

“Please” has no single equivalent. 請 (qǐng) invites or directs the other person (請坐, “please sit”). 麻煩你 (máfan nǐ) asks them for a favour. 拜託 (bàituō) is a plea. The rest of this page covers when each fits, and what to say back.

不好意思: Taiwan’s all-purpose phrase

不好意思 is the phrase to learn first, because it does the job of English “excuse me”, “sorry” and “I hate to ask” in one.

You can use it for:

• Getting attention. 不好意思，請問洗手間在哪裡？ (Excuse me, where’s the restroom?)
• Small mistakes. 不好意思，我來晚了。 (Sorry I’m late.)
• Squeezing past. 不好意思，借過一下。 (Excuse me, may I get past?)
• Asking a favour. 不好意思，可以幫我拍照嗎？ (Sorry to ask, could you take a photo?)
• Declining. 不好意思，我今天沒辦法。 (Sorry, I can’t today.)

The literal sense of the words is “not feeling at ease”, and that is why it works as a softener. Taiwan’s Ministry of Education dictionary glosses 不好意思 as “bashful, shy”, “hesitant because of social considerations (礙於情面而不便或不肯)”, and “expressing apology” (表示歉意). The first two senses explain the underlying feeling that makes it work as a softener, and the third is the apology itself.

The phrase 借過 (jièguò, “may I pass”) is the compact version for crowded places such as an MRT car or a market aisle, and 不好意思 before it softens it. 借 is “to borrow” and 過 is “to pass”.

Because 不好意思 is so light, it is the right choice for the long tail of minor friction: bumping an elbow, asking the waiter a second time, being a few minutes late, turning down a second helping.

Hokkien flavour

You may also hear 歹勢 (Taiwanese Hokkien, Tâi-lô pháinn-sè) used in Taiwan with the same meaning, including among Mandarin speakers. It is Taiwanese Hokkien in origin, so it is not in the Mandarin dictionary; it is in the Ministry of Education’s Taiwanese Hokkien dictionary, glossed as 不好意思、對不起、抱歉. Understand it, and use 不好意思 yourself. Taiwanese Hokkien for Mandarin learners has more.

對不起: when it is serious

對不起 (duìbuqǐ) is the full apology. The dictionary defines it as “to express regret to someone” and lists 對不住 (duìbuzhù) as a variant. The dictionary gives the reading duì bu qǐ, with a light 不.

Use it when you have actually done something wrong:

• 對不起，我弄錯了。 (I’m sorry, I got it wrong.)
• 對不起，讓你擔心了。 (I’m sorry I worried you.)
• 對不起，是我的錯。 (I’m sorry, it’s my fault.)

For a stranger you have bumped on a train, 對不起 is correct and fine, but it can feel heavy for trivial moments, and many speakers in Taiwan reach for 不好意思 instead. With family and close friends, 對不起 carries real feeling, so saying it to a partner or to a parent signals that you mean it.

抱歉 and 失禮

抱歉 (bàoqiàn) is defined as feeling uneasy, as though one owes an apology. It is the usual word for businesses and professionals, and it is common in casual speech and messages as well (抱歉抱歉, 抱歉晚回): 很抱歉讓您久等了 (we’re sorry to have kept you waiting) or 抱歉造成您的不便 (sorry for the inconvenience). In writing, 抱歉 is safe in any message to a client or boss. See formal Chinese messages in Taiwan.

失禮 (shīlǐ) is a courteous apology for a lapse in manners, such as interrupting. It is formal, and it is also common in Hokkien (sit-lé), so recognise it, and use 不好意思 as your own version.

What to say when someone apologises

Reply	Reading	Use
沒關係	méi guānxi	standard, “it’s fine”
沒事	méi shì	”no problem”
不要緊	bú yàojǐn	”never mind”, a little more formal
不會	bú huì	casual, small matters
別放在心上	bié fàng zài xīn shàng	”don’t let it weigh on you”

沒關係 is the standard reply, and the dictionary glosses it as “not important”. 不要緊 is recorded as “never mind” or “unimportant”. Pinyin shows the tone you say. 不 is bù in the dictionary and becomes bú before a fourth tone (see tone sandhi in Taiwan Mandarin). Replies to thanks are listed in how to say thank you in Chinese.

Please in Chinese

English “please” is attached to requests as a politeness marker. Chinese politeness is built differently. You make a request polite by choosing a softer frame and by thanking afterwards, and 請 is only one of several tools.

請: invite or direct

請 (qǐng) is the “please” of invitations and instructions. The dictionary’s first sense is “to request earnestly”. It works when you invite someone to do something that benefits them or that you are entitled to ask in a formal setting.

• 請坐。 (Please sit.)
• 請進。 (Please come in.)
• 請問，這裡可以刷卡嗎？ (May I ask, can I pay by card here?)
• 請稍等。 (Please wait a moment.) 稍 is “slightly” and 等 is “wait”.
• 請多指教。 (Please look after me, a set phrase when meeting colleagues or teachers.)

請問 (qǐngwèn) opens a question politely, and the dictionary describes it as a polite term for asking. It fits strangers and officials, and a quick 請問 plus your question is the safest way to start.

請 also fills public signs. 請勿吸菸 (qǐng wù xī yān, no smoking) uses 勿, which the dictionary glosses as “do not, expressing prohibition”. Expect to see 請勿 on notices for things not to do.

麻煩你: asking a favour

麻煩你 (máfan nǐ) is the closest match for “please” when you ask someone to do something for you. 麻煩 is “trouble”, and the sense of 麻煩你 is “sorry to trouble you”. The dictionary lists 麻煩 as “troublesome” and “to disturb”.

• 麻煩你幫我拿一下。 (Could you pass me that, please?)
• 麻煩給我一杯水。 (A glass of water, please.)
• 麻煩你了。 (Thanks for the trouble, said after someone helps.)

Ordering is where learners need this most. At a restaurant or shop, 我要一杯拿鐵，麻煩你 or 麻煩給我一杯拿鐵 is polite and natural. Adding 麻煩 or 謝謝 to a bare 我要一杯拿鐵 makes it friendlier.

Roughly, the difference from 請 is this: 請 usually points at the other person’s action in a formal register (請坐), and 麻煩你 puts the speaker’s request first (麻煩你幫我…).

可以…嗎 and 一下

A request framed as a question needs no marker at all.

• 可以幫我一下嗎？ (Could you help me for a moment?)
• 可以給我菜單嗎？ (Could I have the menu?)

Adding 一下 (yíxià, a softener that means “a short while”; the dictionary lists the sense 稍等一下) makes the request lighter: 幫我一下, 等一下, 看一下. It is one of the most useful small words in Taiwan Mandarin.

拜託: a plea

拜託 (bàituō) is listed as a respectful term for asking someone to take care of something. It carries more urgency or emotion than 麻煩你.

• 拜託你，幫我一下。 (Please, help me out.)
• 拜託，不要遲到。 (Please, don’t be late.)

Use it with friends and family when it really matters. In conversation 拜託 can also express “come on”, with a different tone, so listen for the context.

Putting it together

Situation	Say
getting a stranger’s attention	不好意思 / 請問
squeezing past	不好意思，借過
late to a meeting	不好意思，我遲到了
a real apology	對不起，是我的錯
writing to a client	很抱歉造成您的不便
asking a favour	麻煩你…/ 可以…嗎？
ordering	麻煩給我…
an urgent request	拜託你…

Related reading

• How to Say Thank You in Chinese
• Formal Chinese Messages in Taiwan
• Yes and No in Chinese
• Taiwanese Hokkien for Mandarin Learners