Talking to Parents and Grandparents in Mandarin

If you grew up hearing Mandarin from your parents or grandparents, talking with them in it can feel both easier and harder than talking with anyone else. Easier, because they know you and will meet you halfway. Harder, because it matters more, and because family conversations jump between everyday chat and things that are hard to say in any language.

This guide is a practical kit for those conversations: what to call people, phrases for calls and messages, and questions that open longer talks. For the full map of relatives, see Chinese Family Terms. For messages to teachers, landlords or offices, see Formal Chinese Messages; family register is a different matter.

How to address them

Use whatever your family already uses. If you are unsure, these are the standard Mandarin words:

Relative	Mandarin	Zhuyin	Pinyin
Father’s father	爺爺	ㄧㄝˊ ˙ㄧㄝ	yéye
Father’s mother	奶奶	ㄋㄞˇ ˙ㄋㄞ	nǎinai
Mother’s father	外公	ㄨㄞˋ ㄍㄨㄥ	wàigōng
Mother’s mother	外婆	ㄨㄞˋ ㄆㄛˊ	wàipó

Some families use the Taiwanese Hokkien words instead: 阿公 (a-kong) for a grandfather and 阿媽 (a-má, also written 阿嬤) for a grandmother, on either side of the family. If those are the words of your childhood, keep them. They are entries in the Ministry of Education’s Taiwanese Hokkien dictionary, and 阿公 (ㄚ ㄍㄨㄥ, āgōng) also appears in its Mandarin dictionary with the meaning “grandfather”.

你 or 您?

您 (ㄋㄧㄣˊ, nín) is the polite form of 你 (ㄋㄧˇ, nǐ). The Ministry of Education dictionary notes that it is mostly used for elders. Families vary: in some homes everyone says 你, and 您 would sound oddly formal. When in doubt, listen to how your parents address their own parents, and do the same.

Phrases for calls and video chats

A call need not be long. A few of these, used every week, carry a lot.

Opening

Phrase	Zhuyin	Pinyin	Meaning
喂，是我。	ㄨㄟˋ，ㄕˋ ㄨㄛˇ。	wèi, shì wǒ.	Hello, it’s me.
最近好嗎？	ㄗㄨㄟˋ ㄐㄧㄣˋ ㄏㄠˇ ˙ㄇㄚ？	zuìjìn hǎo ma?	How have you been?
身體好嗎？	ㄕㄣ ㄊㄧˇ ㄏㄠˇ ˙ㄇㄚ？	shēntǐ hǎo ma?	How is your health?
吃飯了嗎？	ㄔ ㄈㄢˋ ˙ㄌㄜ ˙ㄇㄚ？	chīfàn le ma?	Have you eaten?

Keeping it going

Phrase	Zhuyin	Pinyin	Meaning
睡得好嗎？	ㄕㄨㄟˋ ˙ㄉㄜ ㄏㄠˇ ˙ㄇㄚ？	shuì de hǎo ma?	Are you sleeping well?
辛苦了。	ㄒㄧㄣ ㄎㄨˇ ˙ㄌㄜ。	xīnkǔ le.	That sounds like hard work. / Thanks for all you do.
慢慢來。	ㄇㄢˋ ㄇㄢˋ ㄌㄞˊ。	mànmàn lái.	Take your time. / No rush.
沒關係。	ㄇㄟˊ ㄍㄨㄢ ˙ㄒㄧ。	méiguānxi.	It’s fine. / Don’t worry.

Closing

Phrase	Zhuyin	Pinyin	Meaning
我很想你們。	ㄨㄛˇ ㄏㄣˇ ㄒㄧㄤˇ ㄋㄧˇ ˙ㄇㄣ。	wǒ hěn xiǎng nǐmen.	I miss you (all).
要保重身體。	ㄧㄠˋ ㄅㄠˇ ㄓㄨㄥˋ ㄕㄣ ㄊㄧˇ。	yào bǎozhòng shēntǐ.	Take care of yourself.
記得休息。	ㄐㄧˋ ˙ㄉㄜ ㄒㄧㄡ ㄒㄧˊ。	jìde xiūxí.	Remember to rest.
下次再打給你。	ㄒㄧㄚˋ ㄘˋ ㄗㄞˋ ㄉㄚˇ ㄍㄟˇ ㄋㄧˇ。	xiàcì zài dǎ gěi nǐ.	I’ll call you again next time.

辛苦 (ㄒㄧㄣ ㄎㄨˇ, xīnkǔ) means toil or hardship, so 辛苦了 acknowledges someone’s effort, whether that is cooking a meal or raising a family. It makes for a warm thing to say when you do not have more words.

When you don’t follow

Asking belongs to the conversation; it is not a failure of it. These keep things moving:

Phrase	Zhuyin	Pinyin	Meaning
可以說慢一點嗎？	ㄎㄜˇ ㄧˇ ㄕㄨㄛ ㄇㄢˋ ㄧ ㄉㄧㄢˇ ˙ㄇㄚ？	kěyǐ shuō màn yīdiǎn ma?	Could you say it a bit more slowly?
這個是什麼意思？	ㄓㄜˋ ˙ㄍㄜ ㄕˋ ㄕㄣˊ ˙ㄇㄜ ㄧˋ ˙ㄙ？	zhège shì shénme yìsi?	What does this mean?
這個字怎麼寫？	ㄓㄜˋ ˙ㄍㄜ ㄗˋ ㄗㄣˇ ˙ㄇㄜ ㄒㄧㄝˇ？	zhège zì zěnme xiě?	How do you write this character?
臺語怎麼講？	ㄊㄞˊ ㄩˇ ㄗㄣˇ ˙ㄇㄜ ㄐㄧㄤˇ？	táiyǔ zěnme jiǎng?	How do you say it in Taiwanese?

(The Pinyin readings follow the Ministry of Education dictionary. In speech, 一 in 一點 usually changes tone; Mandarin Tone Sandhi explains how.)

“How do you write this character?” turns a call into a reading lesson, your parent or grandparent playing the teacher.

Questions that lead into longer talks

For heritage speakers, listening is often the stronger skill. Questions that invite a story let the other person do most of the talking while you follow along and learn:

• 你小時候喜歡吃什麼？ (ㄋㄧˇ ㄒㄧㄠˇ ㄕˊ ㄏㄡˋ ㄒㄧˇ ㄏㄨㄢ ㄔ ㄕㄣˊ ˙ㄇㄜ？, nǐ xiǎoshíhòu xǐhuān chī shénme?) What did you like to eat when you were little?
• 你們怎麼認識的？ (ㄋㄧˇ ˙ㄇㄣ ㄗㄣˇ ˙ㄇㄜ ㄖㄣˋ ˙ㄕ ˙ㄉㄜ？, nǐmen zěnme rènshi de?) How did you two meet?
• 以前過年的時候都做什麼？ (ㄧˇ ㄑㄧㄢˊ ㄍㄨㄛˋ ㄋㄧㄢˊ ˙ㄉㄜ ㄕˊ ㄏㄡˋ ㄉㄡ ㄗㄨㄛˋ ㄕㄣˊ ˙ㄇㄜ？, yǐqián guònián de shíhòu dōu zuò shénme?) What did you used to do at New Year?
• 我的名字是誰取的？ (ㄨㄛˇ ˙ㄉㄜ ㄇㄧㄥˊ ˙ㄗ ㄕˋ ㄕㄟˊ ㄑㄩˇ ˙ㄉㄜ？, wǒ de míngzi shì shéi qǔ de?) Who chose my name?

That last one often leads to the characters of your own name and what they mean. If your surname carries a long story, the Taiwanese surname directory shows its characters, readings and the spellings used on passports.

LINE and other messages

If your family keeps in touch on LINE or another messaging app, messages make good practice because you can take your time:

• Keep it short and send. 早安 (ㄗㄠˇ ㄢ, zǎo’ān, “good morning”) and a photo is a complete message.
• Mix languages when you need to. A message that is half English still gets read.
• Try voice messages. You can listen to a reply as often as you need, and record your own until you are happy with it.
• Type with Zhuyin or Pinyin. Typing makes you choose the right character from a list, which is reading practice in disguise. Relearning Zhuyin covers the Zhuyin keyboard.

At New Year, 恭喜發財 (ㄍㄨㄥ ㄒㄧˇ ㄈㄚ ㄘㄞˊ, gōngxǐ fācái) is the classic greeting; the Ministry of Education dictionary notes that it is now mostly used for New Year wishes. If you are giving 紅包 (ㄏㄨㄥˊ ㄅㄠ, hóngbāo, red envelopes), even amounts are customary for happy occasions in Taiwan, and the digit 4 is avoided.

When home means more than one language

If your parents or grandparents grew up speaking Taiwanese Hokkien (臺語) or Hakka (客家話), Mandarin may be their second language too. Conversations that mix languages are normal in many families. A few words of their first language, even just greetings, can mean a great deal. Taiwan’s Ministry of Education publishes free online dictionaries for both languages, with audio for many entries. Mandarin at Home vs in Taiwan describes the Hokkien words and sounds that often appear in family Mandarin.

Make it a habit, not an exam

A regular call with one new phrase each time does more than an occasional long one. Note the words you did not know, look them up afterwards, and use one of them next time. If you miss a week, pick up again the next. Nobody is grading this conversation.

If you want to read the words you are hearing, How to Learn to Read Chinese When You Already Speak It sets out a route, and the heritage learner route gathers the tools for it.

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Related Reading

• You Speak It. Now Read It: Heritage Learner Route — A reading route for heritage learners, from placement through reading.
• Chinese Family Terms (稱謂): A Kinship Vocabulary Guide — What to call every relative on both sides of the family.
• Formal Chinese Messages: Email, LINE & 請假 Templates — The register for teachers, landlords and offices.
• Mandarin at Home vs in Taiwan: Accents and Hokkien Words — 臺灣國語, the s/sh merger and Hokkien words, put plainly.